


Pretend I'm Strong Enough to Do This

by aurumdalseni (kyo_chan)



Series: Raven Cycle Writing Fills [17]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gansey's parents were far from perfect, Hurt/Comfort, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Post-Canon, Post-The Raven King, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tumblr Prompt, you can pry that from my cold dead fingers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:08:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25694044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyo_chan/pseuds/aurumdalseni
Summary: When Gansey finally recovers from the demon and his rebirth, he has to face the unanswered questions at home. He doesn't think he'll ever be ready for that, but he doesn't have to do it alone.
Relationships: Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent
Series: Raven Cycle Writing Fills [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1399438
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Pretend I'm Strong Enough to Do This

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my 200 follower giveaway, the prompt request was "Trembling Hands" with Gansey. I knew my requester also enjoys Bluesey, so that's where I took it. Hope you enjoy!

Gansey unlocked his phone. His list of contacts lit up the screen, right where he’d left off the last time. He stared, his thumb hovering over one in particular, but never connecting. He stared some more until the screen dimmed. Then it went dark.

Gansey unlocked his phone.

Blue watched him do it, lingering near the kitchen doorway, where she had a clear line of sight to him. Adam and Ronan had driven into town to pick up a part for the Hondayota, leaving the two of them alone at the Barns. This was the first day he’d touched his phone since they’d brought him back from the side of the road, since they’d brought him back to life. Before he’d sacrificed himself, he’d been subjected to numerous texts about missing his mother’s fundraising event after Raven Day. It had been impossible to impart the knowledge that their son had not only discovered Glendower was well and truly dead, but that he’d given up his very life to save the world. So Blue had texted them that he’d fallen ill, and was recovering so he could return to school. When they called to speak to him, Henry took over, telling Gansey’s parents that he’d nearly passed out at Raven Day, and hadn’t gotten better since.

Well, none of that was actually a lie.

Gansey had gone on in a fugue state for days after, sleeping for hours on end, waking in a daze enough to have food and water pushed on him, then slept some more. No one really wanted to say it out loud, but they were worried that fusing him with Cabeswater might mean this was the Gansey they would live with forever. There would be _no_ explaining _that_ to his parents.

Gansey unlocked his phone.

His eyes were bright now, and while his back was turned, they’d all breathed a sigh of relief. He was still their Gansey, with his delightfully old-fashioned speech, and an inability to keep his love for them inside himself. But when it came to this, the moment where he’d have to face his parents, Blue thought this must have been what it was like for him after being stung. Needing to apologize for things out of his control, desperate to make things right. It broke her heart.

She finished drying the last of the breakfast dishes and wandered out to him, her bare feet barely making a sound on the old wooden floors. Gansey looked up, offering her a warm smile that curled pleasantly in her belly and spilled out to her fingers and toes. She smiled back, something he made so easy now that they didn’t have anything to hide anymore. Sitting next to him, she put her hand on his arm, felt him moving, even if he’d been sitting still. Now that she watched him this close, the process of him unlocking his phone, hovering over _ICE Marion Gansey_ , she could see that his hands shook terribly.

“I should call them,” he said out loud, as if her physical contact turned the volume up on a mantra he’d only been saying in his head.

Blue chewed on her lower lip. She’d never considered how much easier it was to tell her mom what had happened. It helped that Maura had been part of the whole ordeal, but even if she hadn’t, somehow Blue imagined she could tell her far more than Gansey could tell his parents.

“You should,” she agreed carefully. “Maybe when you’re ready?””

His laugh was quiet, unpleasantly devoid of actual humor. “If I wait for that, Jane, I’ll be the estranged son, if I’m not already. They just won’t understand. With my luck, they’ll be seeking a doctor’s note, and there just isn’t one for battling a demon who would destroy your friends while you watched. Perhaps Lynch could dream me one.”

“You don’t need a doctor’s note, Gansey. It’s okay to have been sick. It’s okay not to…not to come when called!” she huffed.

“They never asked much of me, especially not while I was hunting Glendower. I could have encountered far more resistance for some of the things I did. And the one time they really needed me, I let them down.”

“You _saved them_ , Gansey,” Blue insisted. “Whether they realize that or not, you need to know it deep down.” She put her other hand on his chest, over his heart. “You saved all of us. Whatever they think of you from this point on, you know you’re not alone. You have us.” Her voice softened. “You have me.”

She leaned up to kiss his cheek, then lay her cheek against his shoulder. Blue wouldn’t let him do this alone. Gansey sighed, turning to kiss the top of her head, nuzzle into her unruly hair. His hands still trembled under her touch, but he freed up one hand so he could put his arm around her. She tucked into him, marveling as always about how well she fit against his frame. Blue draped herself partway into his lap, kissing over his pulse next.

“You’re more than this moment, Gansey. More than what you’re afraid they’ll say. I promise.”

“I adore you, Jane,” he murmured. “Do not ever believe otherwise.”

Gansey unlocked his phone.

He called home.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I can be found at my [TRC blog](http://oldkingyounggod.tumblr.com) or my [spicy TRC blog](http://athoughtfulking.tumblr.com). Feel free to come say hello or make a request, if you like. Thank you for reading! <3


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